Crossroads in Time 2014 July 11, 2014

Photos of a high fidelity event I did in Southwestern Utah. I got to play with an infrared as well so thats why some of the colors seem a little funky!

Enjoy!

 

I like that I was just able to catch the arrow in the frame of this shot

 

Winter is over, Summer is coming… March 8, 2013

What a difference a year makes. One year ago I arrived in Alaska. 250 miles north of me, in Prudhoe Bay, winter is still firmly entrenched and will be for two more months. But here in Coldfoot, spring is coming. We still are below freezing, but we are bouncing between 0 and 20 above. The sun is out for ever increasing time. Birds, other than the giant black ravens that have terrorized our trash all winter, are beginning to return. Moose tracks have been seen, as have wolves and foxes. While there is still time for one good snow storm, and snow has been known to fall as late as May, winter is breaking – summer is coming.
I went for a run outside today. My legs were aching – I haven’t run much in the last week or two. I’m not sure if they were aching from running or from their enforced relaxation. Running has become something I actually look forward to. But lately I’ve been distracted and grown complacent. And though I am loathe to admit it – I’ve been suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, from vitamin deficiencies, from lethargy and loneliness. Stating that makes it seems like I’m giving excuses. That I can now stand up and say “See – it isn’t my fault, these things caused my actions.” That is not my intent. I am instead trying to simply state that I don’t have it all together. I don’t have all the answers and my actions are a product of that. I have a goal to run 1,000 miles this year. I’ve made good strides so far, but I have more work to do. I want to prove to myself that I can finish something, something big and impossible.
Today starts March madness here in Coldfoot. The next two weeks are the height of the Aurora watching season. We will have instead of our normal 5-10 guests, over 80 at the height, plus truckers, and independents – those guests that we do not know are coming –but will simply show up on our doorstep looking for rooms and food. We will take them all in, and gladly. The next two week are insanity. And I cannot wait. I love my job and I’m going to miss it when I leave.
Leaving is on my mind now. I’m down to two months left in the Arctic. I cannot wait to get home and start my new life free of debt. I made my last payment to the IRS this month. All I have left is student loans and my mortgage. When I read news reports and hear the TV pundits discussing our economy I worry that maybe I should stay and pay off everything. But that is not the path laid ahead of me. I’ve hidden in seclusion long enough. I’ve been in my cocoon. Wrapped tight, protected from the world – now it is time to wriggle free and figure out if I can fly. To see what colors my wings are made of. It’s time to rejoin the world of the living. Winter is over, Summer is coming.
I don’t know what exactly the future has in store for me. And like any of my adventures, I find myself looking around with longing at what I haven’t been able to do. But truthfully, I could spend 10 years here and still have a list of things to do. Being here has also forced me to face things about myself. I like the idea of isolation – but in practice I find it too…isolating. I like the idea of backpacking through the world, but in practice, I am craving stability. I’d like to fancy myself more than what I am but the truth is I am a big, nerdy, white girl with an odd sense of humor and an aversion for aggression and noise. And I think I’m finally ok with that. With not being the life of the party. The center of attention. I work hard, I get the job done, and often times that is enough. I hate being ridiculed or reprimanded, I love being on my own and forging my path just to the right of the one that’s already been tread. It’s not quite a new path – but it is my path.
I’ve read back through this year’s posts and finally I see some of the growth in me. I see where I’ve come from. Where I thought I was and where I actually am, and I’m excited for the future. I can’t wait to see what happens next and who my students are and what subjects I’ll be teaching. I can’t wait to meet the new friends and old, to surround myself with others who get me. And I look forward to hearing the adventures of the crazy people that I’ve shared this year with. I know so many of my fellow coworkers are going to go on and do amazing things, and I am excited for the knock on the door when they come to visit. Our lives are taking different paths, and that too is a good thing. Winter is over, Summer is coming…
The Walking Song, by Bilbo Baggins
I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.
For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood, in every spring
there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago,
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think
of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet
and voices at the door.
~~J.R.R. Tolkien~~

Aurora… January 20, 2013

The aurora came back tonight! I haven’t seen more than a green haze in the sky since I came back from Colorado. It’s pretty awe inspiring and tonight was pretty low key comparatively.  And I got all bundled up and headed out to take some pics. These are all straight from the camera – hope you enjoy this look at something I love staring at!

Photos… January 19, 2013

So I’ve been playing with my Christmas – Lightroom.  I’ve finally figured out enough that I can post some photos. So here is a little pictoral of Coldfoot. Although it looks slightly different now – we’ve received over a foot of snow. Hope all is well with you around the world.

Enjoy.

 

Turning… January 11, 2013

I find myself looking around Coldfoot with one of those stupid grins on my face. One of those grins that when you’re in a bad mood and someone else is wearing that grin you just want to smack the snot out of them because there is no reason for someone to be that happy. In bizarrely happy and content here. And then I want to poke my eye out with a rusty nail so I can leave here as soon as possible.

That’s life a mixture of good and bad. We got through our first set of Japanese guests who have come to watch the aurora. Japanese tradition states that children conceived under the aurora are lucky – so I’m kind of glad I’m not in housekeeping right now. 🙂 We’ve quieted down again. And will stay quiet for a few more weeks. The weather has been weird this winter so they have not yet built the ice roads. Until those are finished there is a ton (or several actually) of freight waiting to be moved in Fairbanks.

I set myself one goal this year for New Years – to run 1000 miles. I’m working on consistency. 3 miles a day, pretty much every day for a year. Nothing too outrageous – as long as I actually do it. The only reason this will get real fun is if our treadmill breaks as it is threatening to do. If that happens before the temperature warms I will be running up and down the hotel hallway I guess.

In other news, I’m moving on with my plans to leave here in April. I take my math certification test the 6th of February and after that who knows? I’m also – shockingly for me – exploring my options to stay up here. Not in coldfoot but on a rotational crew working up on the slope learning a trade. It will be interesting to see what happens and where I end up.

Finally, I am still taking photographs. But my parents bought me Lightroom for Christmas and I’m still muddling through the software. I’ll hopefully have some winter pics soon.

That’s the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

Until next time,
Me.

Life continues… December 24, 2012

Endurance. That is the key to life up here this time of year. Endurance and adaptation. I’m typing this at two in the morning, because that for me is what works. I seem physcially incapable of maintaining any sort of normal schedule. We’ve crossed the halfway point in winter now. We will be adding about 9 minutes of daylight a day. By the time I leave – under four months from now – the sun will be out for the bulk of the time. But for now I look at the stars. The aurora, which was predicted to be spectacular this year is pretty ho hum. Usually a green band on the horizon with no real clarity or action. It’s neat, but not what I expected. All in all winter has been relatively boring. I cam expecting an amazing winter experience. But we barely have two inches of snow and while temperatures will approach -40F or -50F on occasion – we have pretty much been at -20F since I came back in November. I usually don’t bother with a jacket when running between buildings at -20F. I don’t need it. It’s cold, but it’s not that cold. I never thought I’d say -20 is no big deal, but it really isn’t. What is a big deal is when the temperature drops, there is no snow to act as an insulator. So the pipes are having a nasty habit of freezing.

We had our Christmas party the other night. I was working. As I will be Christmas day, and New Year’s day. That’s life for me. Get up, work out (maybe), work, go back to my room. Sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. Every so often things change – but as of now, life…continues. Perhaps the new year will bring some excitement. There are so few of us we don’t have a ton of hang out time with everyone. For me, only 4 or 5 people might be off at the same time I am, but they are usually sleeping – getting ready for the next day’s shift. I’ve been known to not be headed to bed until day shift has begun their day.  Tomorrow, well today, starts our tourist season for the winter. We have 60 guests coming in the next week to see Alaska at it’s finest. One of whom is apparently planning on riding a pedal bike to Fairbanks, a trip of about 250 miles. Why? Not sure. Maybe I’ll find out more when he comes in.

Being up here has helped me to realize what I miss and what I’m looking for. What my hopes and plans are for life. Lots of time for reflection. You know its funny. If you were to ask me if I wanted to get married I would tell you yes. But when I think about life, when I plan it out – there is never someone there beside me. I have all these places I want to go and see, but I never see myself going with anyone. I want to go live in Italy, France, Nepal, Ecuador, Thailand, Bali…but I want to experience these places on my terms, on my schedule. I’m not even sure I want to commit to a pet, that it might impede upon what I want to do. We were talking after the Christmas party, most everyone had been drinking, but I had just gotten off work. Someone asked me about my relationships. As I never talk about them. And the truth is I’ve never really had any. I’ve been asked on a few dates – the last one being 5? years ago. And before that – it was high school. And yet. Something says I’ve got more to share with the world than photographs and pixels on a computer screen.

Coming here has pushed me out of my comfort zone. I’m challenged with new thoughts and theologies. My faith has been put to the test. I haven’t set foot in a church in almost a year save one night on vacation. I’ve drank more, talked more, shared more than ever in my life it feels like. And yet I’m not done. It’ll be interesting to see what the last 100 days have to say. I hope all is well in the land of the living. I have to say I miss my family. I miss sitting around the table, opening presents. I miss watching movies and eating cookies.  I miss hugging my nephew and razzing my sister. This time of year, being away from everyone – it makes you realize things. Like life…what you gain, and what you give up with every choice. The road not taken. Hug your family for me will you?

Merry Christmas.

Self Portrait

The last time I saw the sun

 

This is 4 pm… December 1, 2012

Just a couple of quick pics with my phone. Here is what 4 pm looks like – and it gets darker from here.

A bean can begin an adventure… November 30, 2012

Happy birthday to me. It’s amazing – 29 doesn’t feel a whole lot different than 28. But it’s here. One more circle around the sun completed – even if I can no longer see it. The things that have an influence on a persons life is funny you know? I’ve traveled the world seen wonders that only few have ever seen. I’ve traveled the highways and byways of the world. Seen an AK-47 from entirely too close crossing a border in Mozambique. Been in an opal mine in Australia, a concentration camp in Germany. Argued a scientific paper in the Hague. I’ve been moderately freaked out when standing on the border of north Korea – standing in the no mans land of no country. I’ve gone skydiving in new Zealand and watched my sister and my mom jump off a bridge there too. I’ve flown a fighter jet and gone diving in the ocean. And now I’ve stood in -70, climbed mountains, and seen the song of the aurora.

I know I should be happy, thrilled even. But I want more.

I am so incredibly grateful for the experiences I have had. It’s funny. For the first time in a long time I know what I want to do and where I want to go. I know I want to teach, and to teach in Colorado. I know I want to live in my house and paint my walls. I know I want to stay in one spot for a period of time, to stop looking for the next exit or the next on ramp. I know i want to love.

Not that anyone is telling me explicitly not to do it. But the prevailing train of wisdom is “Why would you want to settle down” or “You could make alot more money on the slope” or even “Don’t fall for society’s hype. You don’t need all that”. But dammit, I might not need it. But I want it. I started this journey not knowing where I was headed. Not knowing really who I was or what I wanted out of life. Not knowing if there was anything for me out there. I was ready to turn my back on the world but I’ve discovered I need the world too.

The thing I fear, the thing that keeps awake at night is dying old and alone in bed. Forgotten by society by family, by friends. To be found days or even weeks later, placed in a grave attended by none, to become Mr. Cellophane.

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there…

Too much of my life I’ve lived as mr. Cellophane. Or trying to. It’s time I stood for something. Cared about something, or did something outside of the world that is me.

If this refrain seems familiar perhaps because in many ways I’m in a waiting place. Ready to go forward but unable to.

I guess I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this or how I’m going to end it. More stream of consciousness rambling on my part I guess – but hey – you’re still reading. Only to say that here, now, I’m going to fight. I want to take a stand. I want my thirties to be better than my twenties. I want to love. To learn. To fly. I want my diva moment. My 15 minutes of fame. My search for significance. Which is only significant because it relates to me, here, now. I know the things I am talking about are not unique to me, and yet…and yet…

Oops, it’s been a while. October 10, 2012

So I haven’t posted alot lately. Been busy with work, and I’ve had a pretty bad internet connection. But I have been taken some pictures. So I’ll post these and got through and provide some info on the different pics as we go.

Thanks!

Erin

 

Darkness comes… August 21, 2012

I haven’t written about Alaska much lately. I suppose that’s mostly because I’ve been out enjoying it. We are getting well and truly dark now. And if it were not for the almost continual cloud coverage we would be seeing the aurora every night. But it will come. My time in Coldfoot has been unexpectedly cut short. Our camp at the Yukon river is shortstaffed so I will be heading there for the month of September to help them run the store. It will be nice for something different. I’ll be able to order off the menu there rather than only eating off the buffet – which to be honest – is something to look forward to. Also, I’ll get to move inside a month earlier, so my chances of catching pneumonia are drastically smaller. So what have I been doing lately to fill my time? I’ve been going on lots of hikes/walks, wandering through the tundra and watching the seasons change. Taking pictures, picking berries, and figuring things out for myself. I’ve found a measure of peace. I’m looking forward to this winter and the long dark that it will bring, but I’m also looking forward to what lies ahead. I’ve decided after this I’m going to move back to Colorado and get my teaching certificate to teach high school science. It’s amazing that for the first time in a long time I’ve made a decision, and I’m not obsessing over the details, and the alternate plans. Yes, I’m thinking about what color to paint my house when I get it back, but that’s about it. Maybe I’ve found what I really should be doing, or maybe I’ve just grown.

Anyway, back to Alaska. We’ve been getting quite a bit of rain. Well, we’ve had lots of cloudy days that rain just often enough to be annoying. The coworkers are starting to depart, and it definetly will be different as our staff is cut in half – but our hours remain the same. We haven’t hit freezing – yet – but we’ve gotten awful close. There is a chill in the air most days that is quite nice actually. I’ve never really been one for blistering heat – so I tend to open the door the café quite a bit. Work is going well. You never can tell the nights that we will get out at 1 am vs. the nights we get out at 4 am until that moment. We could get slammed any night of the week with hunters coming in with their catch. One night last week I sold 30 bags of ice in a 3 hour period to hunters trying to preserve their meat. Needless to say, I’m trying to fill the ice chest a lot now. This will continue for the next month or so.

We ended up doing some hunting of our own the other day. We had a black bear that has been wandering into camp on several occasions. Unfortunately, said bear did not take the hint that he needed to leave camp alone and repeatedly was breaking into the house to get at the dog food. That, and the fact it was not scared of humans, meant that our maintenance man shot the bear and proceeded to harvest the meat. The hide, claws, and head have to be turned over the BLM for an auction, and then we had to dress and claim the meat. Alaska takes it’s poaching laws very seriously. If you abandon meat you can be fined quite severely. Even if you hit a moose with your vehicle, you must report it and you are not allowed to claim any of the meat, hide, or antlers/claws for yourself. Road kill is distributed through a will-call list in the major cities. When your name is at the top of the list, the next moose to be hit is yours. Someone else’s misfortune – and $2000 repair bill – means you get 150 lbs of meat.

Anyway, I’ll end with some photos of life up here. If you have any questions let me know!

Well I tried organizing these but wordpress will only let me have one gallery per post. So here they are.

The tent where I live

Also the tent where I live

This is my comfy chair. I bought an outdoor recliner and draped a bug net around it. It’s my sanctuary.

Inside my humble abode – note the clothes rack on the side of the tent. This is everything that I own up here. Amazing how little I actually need.

This is the view off of my porch.

This guy is stuffed. He is hiding on a ledge in a cabin in Wiseman, a small town 15 miles to our north.

Other than the sky and water, everything in this picture is made of Alaska. Bark, sticks, twigs, moss, rocks. It’s pretty cool!

Leo is the only kid in Wiseman. He hires himself out for handyman work. It used to be $10/hr but now it’s his old low price of $5/hr. 🙂